Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The Mendacity of Hope:An Insolutopia Story Part I

Looooong Ago, blogging used to be fun. Let me tell you a story about those days of wonder (Thundering score with a plethora of masculine images of fire, furnaces, forges and testosterone.)


In the beginning, the Constitution was forged in the core of a hot furnace fueled by ethics and religious principles. It was pounded, folded, sharpened and polished. It was then plunged into the heart of government, to defend the people from the tyranny of their own ambitions.




This is the tale of the conservative Republican. (More kettle drum action.)



Never forget this son. Our Constitution was forged by the founders to protect me and to protect you. It should never be perverted to serve evil purposes. It should never be abused or forgotten. It is strong and sharp, but must be respected and cherished by every generation.

Do you understand?

Yes, father.




Government entitlements and programs only serve to weaken the spirit and stifle the innovation of the middle class.

Self-sufficiency is hard work.

But it is eminently rewarding and
satisfying...






....That is until the Internal Revenue Service, at the behest of the evil Lord Obama, comes to forcibly collect its bloody tribute.










Well. well. well.

If it isn't the Department of Social Services, come to 'rescue' the children from their harsh family life.







Mom, is that one of those Washington liberals you warned us about?

Yes dear. Be quiet now.

Little Republican thinks to himself: She told me there were no real monsters, but there are.








Your mom is contributing to the problem of the two Americas, kid; hers and ours. Since hers is not ours, we will need to take her middle class head by eminent domain. Sorry kid. heh. Not really.






Welcome to the ranks of the Hillary Village...

Believe us kid; Being a ward of the state, will be somewhat better than hanging around with a headless mother or gutted father.







Who says there are jobs Americans won't do? I hope there's a social security check waiting for me after I spend my entire young life, turning this plumbing snake through the men's room toilet next to Ted Kennedy's Senate office.






After being rescued by the Heritage Foundation

Yeah. See what I mean? That blank stare is the what we call 'Progressive Blind Spot' or PBS. It's brought on by hours and hours of stupefying Bill Moyers commentary, played on grainy VHS tapes in public school classrooms.

A little time in the real world will be necessary to clean all of the ADD prescriptions from his head, as well.





Welcome to the real world young Republican.

Slap!

Pay attention moron! This isn't high school anymore. You don't get a gold star for breathing here! This is a global economy, with global competition. Get used to it.



Man, light is really beginning to shine on Marblehead. Progressive University never told me about any of this stuff. When you actually look at genuine history, economics and ethics, the conservative position clearly wins.

Knowledge is power.

Sweet.






All right, young Republican, we have exhausted a great deal of effort to enlighten you. That being said,

What is best in life?






Crush your political opponents. See them driven before you. Hear the lamentation of the militant lesbians.

Heritage Mongol: Very Goooood... my son.








Cool. I found an old copy of the Constitution in the dead hand of a fallen patriot. Let's see if I can dash away all of this crusty Souter and Ginsberg crap. Here's a nice slimy rock.


Steel smashes and clatters against stone, The evil skin falls away in flakes...





Whew...

Thank... God!
It is still good.










To be continued....

2 comments:

Fiar said...

Wow! I didn't even know you were back, oh great and mighty Insolumind. It's great to have you back.

By the tone of this, I kept thinking about my post, Five Reasons Why the World Would be a Better Place Without Democrats. There's a lot of similarity there between what you are saying, and what I was saying. You know what they say, "great minds think alike."

Insolublog said...

Thanks, FIAR. I am still in sparse, posting mode. I will, however, complete the saga in a timely fashion.