Thursday, October 04, 2007

The Mendacity of Hope: Part II

Continued from Part I....
After much searching and sexual conquest....

Who are you?
You look tired and hungry. As a compassionate conservative, I should at least break those chains.

Where did you get that fashionable hat and that nifty recurve bow?

I am Sum Nu Gai, a legal immigrant who was sent to the back of the line and put in chains by La Raza. I am seeking justice against the officials that put me in this position.
I actually bought a ticket to Woodstock, but the officials were so stoned, they let the barbarians trample the gate and take my seat at the concert.
I have not been able to secure a refund or even an apology.

Republican: Cool. Let's be friends and join forces to defeat our common enemy.

Outside the nation's capital...

Excuse us, sir. We are looking for the standard of our enemy. It is an image of two snakes coming together. Have you seen such a graven image?

Two snakes coming together?

It sounds like you might be looking for Bill and Hillary Clinton.

You must understand that I can't discuss them openly, since they are known to murder people in their sleep.

Just look for the most gaudy, phallic tower in the city, crowned by gargoyles that closely resemble James Carville.

Remember now... you and I never met, Ok?

Once they find the tower...

I just want you guys to understand, in this town, beautiful conservative women are more than willing to defend themselves in a hostile environment.

Who am I addressing?

Nice to meet you... Miss?

It looks like we are both looking for the same thing. I tell you what. I will put my sword down, if you do the same.

Ann Coulter is the name.

That's a PETA tower, funded by an insane liberal cult that thinks big ugly snakes are more important than human beings. I know that last sentence is highly redundant and suggestive in so many ways public and private.


My vast and highly skilled training in matters legal and otherwise, leads me to believe that I can easily convince you to go up the tower first.

So, What do you say?

In the tower...

As you know dear, our snake is an endangered species, whereas gullible young airheads like you are brim over at each and every one of our student rallies.

I also know that you will give anything, including sex or your tender thigh meat to the nearest serpent with a forked tongue, a beer, a shot and/or a hit of ecstasy.

So jump already, and feed the snake!

There is nothing like fighting 1200 pounds of pure PETA bred snake, to work up an appetite. We will be eating good tonight. I hope it tastes just like chicken.

Sorry little girl, I know you broke a leg to feed this big fella, but that's show biz. I'll phone your parents to come pick you up and take you to a de-programming center.

They were taken to the office of Lieberman, the independent election usurper.

All right. all right. We killed a big snake. What's with the congressional oversight? Can't we just pay a fine or something.

Ahh. Clearly you misunderstand. My name is Senator Joe Lieberman.

I saw how you guys handled opposition.

You did it without fear of reprisal.

You obviously did not give a crap about Media Matters or the MSM.

I salute you!

Where did you get all this booty.
Did all of this come from the American taxpayer?

Your offering it to us?

For what?

Son, when your own party becomes a moonbat rookery, comes out of the closet and decides that the cult of Kos or Obama can give them better moral guidance than her own fore-fathers, the pork barrel earmarks soon cease to shine. Those bridges to nowhere seem to lose their luster.

Please, young republicans, help bring my party home.

Young Republicans chime in unison: Agreed!

Hippy: Dude! Give up your weapons and return to the earth... (cough) man. Obama is coming...(cough) man.

All you need is peace in your heart and enough lung power to suck on a bong.

Oh, yeah... Don't tase me bro!

Republican: Uhh... I think I'll pass.
Thinks to himself Damn! I wish I had charged those taser batteries.

Further down the road....

Away with ye, government official!
I don't need Medcare part D! I don't need section 8 housing! I don't need my children's education stunted by your attempts to make sure no moron is left behind!

They are smarter than all your liberal brats anyway!

Away! Or I will summon a demon more ferocious than all in hell! Maybe even Rush Limbaugh.

What is wrong with that? We could use little more Rush about now. Maybe he can give me some effective hippy de-programming tips.

Bring him on, Pilgrim.

Wizard (laughing heartily): Aaaaaah, A fellow traveler...

Wizard: You aren't thinking of assaulting Capitol hill are you? No fire can burn on that hill.

And why is that?

Every time it tries to ignite, it is forced to surrender as all the oxygen is consumed by fools!

The next day, our Warrior ventures into a War Protest sit-in.

I don't think I am going to find the sanity of the old Democrat party in this place. That merchant told me these little yellow foam earplugs would block the shrill cackling of Cindy Sheehan. He had better be right.

Well, if it isn't Medea Benjamin, handing out metrosexual leotards for everybody. They come in french surrender white, black panther and of course, code pink. Don't rush forward all at once!

My, my young voter, you are quite a prize. Maybe there is an airport bathroom near here, where we can discuss your future as a political page. You know, in Washington, no page is left uncovered.
(Drum snare)

Yes, I think there is a stall over there....

(A distictive sound of a large knee plunging into the groin of a pervert.)

Here we see a wonderful D.C. tradition known as the 'Million Moron March'. A large group of individuals descend on the capital, to protest and demand.... uhhh..... stuff.

Let's face it. We don't really want anything but to be the next potential American Idol. Where are those cameras to record our 'outrage'.

Attention fools... err.. um followers! I hope the years of careful social conditioning have helped you to achieve empty headedness.

Ok, I have nothing here. Just enjoy the view.

Good. It looks like my peace-loving MoveOn thugs have softened you up a bit.

Have you been thinking about the riddle of the Constitution?

Shall I have Brutus fectch you a caramel latte with real whipped cream?

Yesssss, you want me to tell you the riddle do you not?

The answer is, the constitution is not strong. Squishy young brains are strong.

Yeah, yeah. Follow me here. I am headed somewhere.

As long as I control their squishy little brains, the constitution is only a single generation away from complete irrelevence.

Watch, as I tempt a young suicide bomber with my long-haired charisma...

Come my child. You will receive 72 autographed portraits of Ward Churchill in the afterlife.

Yeah. You stupid...


If you wan't to cook a liberal omelette, you have to break, scramble and abort a few million eggs, even if they are in their 63rd tri-mester.

Now, that.... My young republican, is the

Audacity of Hope!

Not some well composed document from posterity, but a good, solid exfoliating brainwashing.
Contemplate this on the MSM network of woe.

So this is the treatment I get from the media when I demand constitutional respect and ask that people be educated with all ideological points of view?

If I get out of this one, I swear the gloves will come off.

To Be Continued...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The Mendacity of Hope:An Insolutopia Story Part I

Looooong Ago, blogging used to be fun. Let me tell you a story about those days of wonder (Thundering score with a plethora of masculine images of fire, furnaces, forges and testosterone.)

In the beginning, the Constitution was forged in the core of a hot furnace fueled by ethics and religious principles. It was pounded, folded, sharpened and polished. It was then plunged into the heart of government, to defend the people from the tyranny of their own ambitions.

This is the tale of the conservative Republican. (More kettle drum action.)

Never forget this son. Our Constitution was forged by the founders to protect me and to protect you. It should never be perverted to serve evil purposes. It should never be abused or forgotten. It is strong and sharp, but must be respected and cherished by every generation.

Do you understand?

Yes, father.

Government entitlements and programs only serve to weaken the spirit and stifle the innovation of the middle class.

Self-sufficiency is hard work.

But it is eminently rewarding and

....That is until the Internal Revenue Service, at the behest of the evil Lord Obama, comes to forcibly collect its bloody tribute.

Well. well. well.

If it isn't the Department of Social Services, come to 'rescue' the children from their harsh family life.

Mom, is that one of those Washington liberals you warned us about?

Yes dear. Be quiet now.

Little Republican thinks to himself: She told me there were no real monsters, but there are.

Your mom is contributing to the problem of the two Americas, kid; hers and ours. Since hers is not ours, we will need to take her middle class head by eminent domain. Sorry kid. heh. Not really.

Welcome to the ranks of the Hillary Village...

Believe us kid; Being a ward of the state, will be somewhat better than hanging around with a headless mother or gutted father.

Who says there are jobs Americans won't do? I hope there's a social security check waiting for me after I spend my entire young life, turning this plumbing snake through the men's room toilet next to Ted Kennedy's Senate office.

After being rescued by the Heritage Foundation

Yeah. See what I mean? That blank stare is the what we call 'Progressive Blind Spot' or PBS. It's brought on by hours and hours of stupefying Bill Moyers commentary, played on grainy VHS tapes in public school classrooms.

A little time in the real world will be necessary to clean all of the ADD prescriptions from his head, as well.

Welcome to the real world young Republican.


Pay attention moron! This isn't high school anymore. You don't get a gold star for breathing here! This is a global economy, with global competition. Get used to it.

Man, light is really beginning to shine on Marblehead. Progressive University never told me about any of this stuff. When you actually look at genuine history, economics and ethics, the conservative position clearly wins.

Knowledge is power.


All right, young Republican, we have exhausted a great deal of effort to enlighten you. That being said,

What is best in life?

Crush your political opponents. See them driven before you. Hear the lamentation of the militant lesbians.

Heritage Mongol: Very Goooood... my son.

Cool. I found an old copy of the Constitution in the dead hand of a fallen patriot. Let's see if I can dash away all of this crusty Souter and Ginsberg crap. Here's a nice slimy rock.

Steel smashes and clatters against stone, The evil skin falls away in flakes...


Thank... God!
It is still good.

To be continued....