Thursday, September 22, 2005

NeoCon Corporate Quiche

During an e-mail exchange with one of my favorite Noam Chomsky wannabes, He hit me with the hundredth incarnation of an old liberal favorite. I was accused of marching in lock step with the rest of the Republican Limbaugh dittoheads (sigh).

Now, to be honest, after posting Bob Hope's timeless Ghost Breakers zombie parable on democrats and my recent kool-aide comment, I felt personally guilty about potentially berating him on this score. I was arguing the facts, however, against a wall of useless statistics that would make Gleeson's Autorantic Moonbat look like Ralph Waldo Emerson.

When exhausted, it is always entertaining and fun to just admit your guilt as a willing cog in the vast cruel right wing machine, with as much sarcastic zeal as you can muster.

I sent him a prototype of my new favorite VWRC recipe for mayhem. Here is the final product.

NeoCon Corporate Quiche
  1. Line a large disposable roasting pan with a thick layer of cheap pastry crust from WalMart. Make sure the crust is full of preservatives, hydrogenated fat, is past it's expiration date, uses only genetically modified wheat flour and has been fouled by rodents who left genetically modified droppings.
  2. Blend enough cute baby animals of every endangered variety in a 12qt gourmet Cuisineart, to fill the pan (Thanks Glenn).
  3. Season the endangered puree with a copious dose of MSG.
  4. Stoke your vast brick oven of evil, by shoveling in a generous portion of flaming social security checks, welfare checks, elderly medication, inner city schoolbooks and food stamps.
  5. Gently slide the pastry in the tempest for baking.
  6. While your vast right wing delicacy is bubbling away, carefully remove the tin-foil hat you used to receive your last satellite download from Limbaugh and Rove. You can always fashion a fresh one from the rest of the roll.
  7. Wrap the pie up with the foil, while being careful not to remove any of those conservative cooties. They will be given instructions for subsequent infiltration.
  8. Label your magnum opus as 'organic, vegetarian quiche'. Nobody will be able to tell, since it will taste like crap; just like real organic vegetarian quiche from the neighborhood natural health food coop.
Slip your completed product into a plane shipment of food relief for hurricane victims, along with Sen. John Kerry. Gleefully feast on tender filet mignon, caviar, juicy mouthwatering shrimp and various other guilt ridden morsels. Watch C-SPAN coverage of Kerry passing your gift out. Laugh as he takes credit for the whole thing.

I like to borrow a theme from HR Hadden of the movie Contact (modified for my own evil purposes of course):
In order to understand an evil conservative, you have to think like an evil conservative. An evil conservative intelligence is going to be more advanced. That means pure conservative evil operating at multiple levels, in multiple dimensions.
It always feels good to confess.

P.S. Silently give Bush credit for the whole plan.

12 comments:

Peakah said...

Hmm... that actually sounds pretty good. A lot like those 99 cent totino frozen pizzas.

MMmmmm... I'm hungry. Can I get on your pie mailing list?

Insolublog said...

Peakah - We'll have to make one for you ( without the rodent droppings of course )

GunnNutt said...

That means pure conservative evil operating at multiple levels, in multiple dimensions.

Well, well, welly-well. The VRWC can be spread throughout this universe and all the parallel universes. Yessssss, make inorganic-baby meat-pies to throw at LibClowns.

Uber said...

Maniacally funny....especially #4. *g*

Won't you lose VRWC membership for divulging pure conservative evil plans?

Wyatt Earp said...

Since we're all Nazis, I'm surprised you didn't add "Jews" to the paragraph #4.

Insolublog said...

gunnnut - We shall overcome in our march to fascist domination.

uber - It's all part of my evil plan to make them think I am divulging my plan to lay out my evil plan. Just hold a printout of this post up to a mirror, while holding up another mirror in opposition. At just the right point, you will to see the infinite evil unfold.

wyatt - While I am of simple evil Catholic origin, some of my favorite evil neocon cohorts are of the Hebrew persuasion.

Sorry, but Hillary is being played on the radio and it's piercing my eardrums. Good God, that voice could part steel better than a plasma cutter.

Dr. Phat Tony said...

You can also smoke the quiche with big tobacco grown leaves. this helps to hook more unsuspected people on to nicotene and keep the tobacco companies in business.

Insolublog said...

An Eeeeexcellent Montgomery Burns suggestion DPT. We need to work Halliburton into this recipe somehow.

Uber said...

mmmm Halliburton.

Pure evil genius and tasty too.

Except the rodent droppings, went a lil far there, methinks. lol

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Very funny.
I would eat some, however, I could not be more conservative, and would thereby explode in a blinding flash of hate, bigotry, and SWEET SWEET OIL MONEY!!!.

Insolublog said...

uber - I'm sure Julia Child would have approved, God rest her soul.

CUG - It would only serve to rejuvenate your vast conservative powers, much like a long overdue tax cut.

basil - I am humbled by the track.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Mmmmmm....tax cuts...