Monday, August 21, 2006

Falling Prices: An Insolutopia Story

Democrats are out on a full scale attack of the retail giant Wal-Mart.

The company has been beaten up, slapped around and bloodied in the European market.

If only we could vote them into office and destroy the evil forces behind the creation of Wal-Mart.

What a wonderful world it would be.

First and foremost, never mention God around a public servant.

Democrats get very upset about any metaphysical thought, which might pierce their dream of crystal clear, secular mental purity.

Well... you know what happens. Impure thoughts must be purged at all costs. Mentioning God is now hate speech, punishable by instant late term abortion.

Naturally, the police will need to clean up the mess.

"Boy this soap smells good. I used to be able to buy this stuff at Wal-Mart, until the liberals convinced everybody Wal-Mart was evil. The soap back at my apartment is this gruesome organic stuff imported from France. They mix chunks of seaweed and dishrags into it, then give it a fancy name and a fancy price. Yeah. Soap from France. Give me a break."

"Damn that Ted Kennedy immigration reform bill and the ensuing invasion. I can't even get to the door of my apartment without clamoring over these people."

"You know, the last time I saw books like this, was before the public school banned them. They said the struggle of reading was attenuating the self-esteem of the students. Wow. There are whole paragraphs here. There are whole pages without pictures. Sweet."

"You know, Zogby, I would not be struggling to fix your damn pocket watch with my nail file, if your buddies hadn't run Wal-Mart out of town. You could just go down and buy a new one."

"What good is a big wad of food stamps and a government food center, when they only give you a quarter kilo of dried cracker crap, in a cheap plastic bag! When the Wal-Mart super center was around, with this money, I could buy a thirty pound easy seal pail of Basmati rice, plus a whole fork pallet of Table Talk apple pies!"

"Come with us Lady. Lord Emperor Chuck Schumer want's to hear your grievance personally. Trust us, he feels your pain."

"All right everybody, we just ran out of the green cracker crap. Please don't kill the messenger. Ted Kennedy is the one that slapped on the price controls and drove your cracker supply into extinction. BTW, that cracker remark wasn't meant to be a racist comment."

Some liberals thought this green stuff was for recreational use. This guy's bong ran dry halfway through the line.

Never get between a state victim and his Medicaid prescription.

Thank some force other than God, that we didn't throw away all that Big Dig equipment. It sure comes in handy for excess illegal aliens and ungrateful malcontents. Don't worry. Vicente Fox will make more.

"All this bureaucratic ass kissing, has given me an enormous case of acid indigestion. It is time to cash in on some of that wonderful Hillary Care I have been paying for all these years."

"Welcome to the Terry Schiavo memorial Euphoria center Sir! Won't you come inside, so we can make you comfortable..."

"Gee Lady. This place is the most beautiful place I have ever seen in recent years."

"Wow, I never realized how wonderful the health clinic was; It has movies and everything! Is this what the world was like before Iran dropped that nuke, right after the Democrats cut and ran? Was it like this before Chinese and Russian polluters bribed both the U.N. and president Gore to look the other way? This is wonderful. This cherry kool-aide tastes pretty good too. Gosh I'm feeling sleepy...."

It's amazing what you can do with human bodies, when you strip away the American family, those pesky church services and those morose, brooding friends and mourners.

"Geez. I wonder how many bribes of FDA officials it took, to arrange this banquet. Nasty. I remember when Wal-Mart was around. There was more product variety than dust-covered boxes of decade old powdered milk and ten pound blocks of orange Agriculture department cheese. Oh yeah... Wal-Mart had delicious crisp golden brown animal crackers, instead of stale, crumbly green cannibal crackers."

"Zogby, in spite of my NRA membership, DNC thugs managed to take my weapon and beat me senseless. But I discovered the truth, Zogby. Wal-Mart wasn't a big, faceless mechanical creature, forged in the crucible of Hell. Zogby, come closer..."

"Tell John Kerry... Tell his minions and supporters... before they killed it, Wal-Mart was made out of people...."


The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Take that Steve.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

What an awesome movie that was.
And an awesome post as well, friend!

Thanks for brightening up my break time!

Damian G. said...


Blood and beatings!!!

Peakah said...

You are definitly master of your domain...

Terry Schiavo memorial Euphoria center?!

*highfive* on that one, you are one of my heros...

a4g said...

The last post was shock, this one is awe.

Here's my list of requests:
Oh, Lucky Man!
The Day The Earth Stood Still
The Searchers
Blade Runner

Chop, chop! Entertain me, dammit.

RT said...

Great post!

Insolublog said...

jimmyb - This was fun. I needed to break the ice of depressing news.

damian - There's no shortage where this came from!

Peakah - That was one of those magic moments, as the frames flew by.

a4g - Don't wreck the surprise! Just kidding. I have to admit I have never seen Oh Lucky Man! or The Searchers. I already have some stills from Day the Earth Stood Still, which just need that perfectly political newsworthy synergy. Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies of all time. I'm almost too squeemish to use it for political narrative. I have been eyeballing Repo Man.

RT - Thanks!

Wyatt Earp said...

Pardon my French, but that's frakkin' brilliant!!!

Insolublog said...

Glad you enjoyed it, pardner.

Ssssteve said...

*shakes fist at Jimmy*
Insol, that was beautiful!! Great stuff! You truly are the master of your domain!!!

Insolublog said...

Thanks, Ssssteve!