Saddam Demands Meeting With Dan Rather

This is a totally ficticious, fabricated insolublog dialogue. See if you can guess who's quotes were the source for the Saddam character and the Baghdad Bob character. It might be tough, at first.

Even though Saddam had met with Dan Rather once before, he has told his US captors that he would throw a temper tantrum, then urinate and defecate all over his cell, if he didn't get another interview. Dan Rather, being a completely unbiased, open and amiable fellow, came out of retirement to serve the interests of Saddam and the world community.

If you could Saddam, please give us a brief idea of what brought you here in the first place.




When I was growing up, it was Communists'. Now it's Terrorists'. So you always have to have somebody to fight and be afraid of, so I built a big war machine with bombs, guns, and bullets and everything.



Weren't you worried that America would react to your aggressive weapons build-up?



America has been killing people on this continent since it was started. I would urge Americans that their country is not worth dying for.



Do you feel that your sons Uday and Qusay had any chance at all, against the evil American occupiers?




Am I stupid? No, I know full-well that my sons, my family, this nation, and this world were attacked by a George Bush who was influenced by the neo-con PNAC agenda after 9/11.



President Bush says the the Iraqi people will now be free to govern themselves. If he were here, what would you say to President Bush?





First I'm gonna say, "And you tell me, what the noble cause is that my people died for." And if he even starts to say freedom and democracy' I'm gonna say, bullsh*t. You tell me the truth. You tell me that my people died for oil. You tell me that my people died to make your friends rich. You tell me my people died to spread the cancer of Pax Americana, imperialism in the Middle East. You tell me that, you don't tell me my people died for freedom and democracy.'"


Some of the former government officials have agreed with the American actions against the insurgents and have joined the new Iraqi government in condemning your regime. They intend to give testimony at your trial. What do you say to that?



...my ex-generals sent out a press statement disagreeing with me in strong terms; which is totally okay with me, because they barely knew me. We have always been on separate sides of the fence politically and I have not spoken to them since the election, when they supported the puppets installed by the man who is responsible for Uday and Qusay's death. When I return to power. I will have them all killed like the traiterous dogs they are.


Do you have any last words on President Bushs' assertion that Iraq is one of many theaters in the global war on terror?




Bush is not waging a war on terror. He's waging a war of terror.
THE BIGGEST TERRORIST IN THE WORLD IS GEORGE W. BUSH!




Prison visiting hours ended, before we could interview Saddam any further. However, outside the prison, we found one dynamic individual, willing to give Saddam the praise he deserves. Sir, what do you think of the interview with Saddam?



We should call him "Father Saddam". We should never call him Saddam; I don't know him. "Father Saddam" is his title, and expresses his ceremonial status as a bereaved father, calling forth over the dead bodies of his sons. He is not a person now, he is a father, which is not an expression of his individuality, but rather the expression of his eternal character: the father, the bringer of life who has been wronged by state power. ...We should not use the name of his sons. His sons are a symbol of all sons who have been sacrificed for this useless and criminal war.

Check out all the Al-Jazeera support over at Pardon My English.
More over at Free Republic. I think some of the unparodied quotes are worse than the dialogue above.