It could Happen

Let's have some fun for a change, by considering how life will be after Insolublog's dream candidate is elected president.

Alec Baldwin did not just promise to leave the country. He threatened to phase shift into the nearest parallel universe.

Helen Thomas is caught whispering, “You would never see George Bush act this irresponsibly.”

James Carville, has a violent seizure in front of a CNN camera, which forces him into a premature molt of his current reptile flesh covering.

Al Gore finally bursts that pulsing blood vessel in his forehead. He and Mikhail Gorbachev embark on a new Vaudeville revival called “It's not easy being green, with a big purple stain on your head”. Al is the drooling puppet, sitting on Mickey's knee.

Michael Moore tries to rake in another windfall, by waddling across Europe, peddling his new movie “Apocalypse Wow!”, criticizing the very recent nuclear bombardment of Tehran.

Al Franken finally has that obnoxious smirk slapped off his face, by a secret service agent. The agent claims it was done for national security.

Cindy Sheehan appears on the Today show, has her head shaved, her eyebrows waxed off and a peace sign tattooed on her forehead. She is then hugged by former Culture Club lead Boy George, as he tearfully says “We are now sisters, in protest.” Cindy's ratings are still in the toilet.

Natalie Mains of Dixie chick fame has a Janet Jackson style camera 'accident'. The resulting scandal makes the front cover of “Aberdeen Angus World” magazine.

Howard Dean switches to decaf.

Hugo Chavez is caught by CIA cameras, having a Brokeback moment with Raul Castro. We don't see it or hear about it, but suddenly U.S. oil prices begin to drop on increased Venezuela production.

Jack Murtha suffers a Depends failure, on the floor of the house.

Kofi Annan is taken aside and privately reminded that sometimes, in a queer twist of fate, people suddenly choke to death on a free jumbo shrimp or a cocktail weenie, at a state department luncheon. Shortly thereafter, he has a revelation, culminating in the realization that life is too short to be squabbling over failed policies.

Every damn terrorist, found poisoning the minds of children, will be instantly rewarded with back stage passes to the afterlife, where they can go live on Gilligan's Island, with 72 indestructible virgin clones of Maureen Dowd, each incessantly bitching about how much she hates men.

Jesse Jackson will give a rousing speech about how the president “T'was brilling, and the slithy toves.” and how he “Did grye and gimble in the wabe.” . He will invoke the feeling of the masses with “All mimsy were the borogroves And the mome raths outgrabe.” Of course, as usual, nobody will know what the hell he's babbling about.

John Kerry will go to France for another Botox treatment. While there, he decides to have a face transplant instead. He winds up looking, and sounding, like the young Jerry Lewis.

Hillary Clinton delivers a speech, about the new administration, in the midst of preliminary construction at the WTC site. Her harpy cackle sets up a deadly resonance between the structures, bringing down a hailstorm of glass shards on her supporters.

I can dream, can't I? Care to add?